Where I stand.

"If I have to question where I stand with you, I'd rather not have you standing with me."

I got on this good streak of blogging and then BAM. NOTHING. Nothing with me usually means (A) I'm way busier than usual or (B) I have too much to say & worried I may say it out of emotion and offend a few in the process.

My silence is an extreme case of both.

And I'm still feeling silent, today. BUT I was reading a few of my favorite bloggers ideas on kids ministry this morning trying to get some inspiration for Easter and I clicked on my posts. There it was....March 7th at 12:15 am.... I posted.

I have no memory of posting this. I even asked Phillip if he posted on my blog. I don't think he would  even know where to start BUT it was the only other possibility.  I've never heard this quote...don't know where it came from.

But, there it was. Saying all that I need to say.

God has really been working on me these past few weeks. He's showing me that actions always speak louder than words. He's convicted me of not being the best I can be with my own relationships.  He's restoring relationships. He's literally slapping me in my face with answers to my prayers. I've never felt closer to Him. I feel like he's removing everything that has to be removed and adding what is supposed to be added in my life. I have more clarity than I've ever had  I'm beyond thankful to be standing right in his will trusting that He has my life in His hands. And I'm so thankful for all the people in my life that I "stand" with.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do you have a routine?

Routines.

Morning time at the Beasley house is my one of my favorite times of the day. Lately, I've learned that my "me time" is in the mornings. I don't do anything extravagant. I get ready for the day in quiet, I talk to God, and I prepare. This usually is only a fifteen minute process but it gets me going. I feel on track. Usually as soon as I've loaded my car, I hear "Mama." This mama comes from the sweetest little voice...Miss Paisley. At this time, she is usually in my bed. I walk in the room and the biggest smile appears on her face. She wakes up happy, like her mama. We "talk" for a minute, cuddle, and then I get her ready. She likes mornings, too. I think it's because she has alone time with my iphone. I let her play on it while I get the King up, Brodie B.

Brodie is not as excited to wake up. Neither is Cheyanne. When I flip her bedroom light on, they usually both grumble. Cheyanne is good about getting right up and getting ready. I dress Brodie while he is usually still rolled over on his stomach. When he's dressed, I tell him to meet me in the bathroom. He loves routine, too. Get dressed, wash his face, brush his teeth, fix his hair, spray cologne, go pee of the back porch...in that exact order.  I still don't know why it is so exciting to pee outside? Thank God we live in the middle of nowhere!

We all get in the car and head to Brodie's school. He gets out, we tell him bye, and Paisley cries.

This is our everyday between 7:30 and 8:45.

I was thinking about our routine today because it was a little different this morning. Phillip didn't go to work because of the rain so I left Cheyanne and Paisley with him. 

Brodie and I followed in the same routine but it felt so "off" to leave them behind. 

We were in the car, pulling up to the drop off line and Brodie screams "WAIT!"

I looked back shocked at his tone and said "What's wrong??"

My first thought is "great, I left his book bag, AGAIN!"

He crossed his little arms, put his head down with eyebrows raised and said...

"YOU haven't prayed for me this morning, mama!"

I didn't know that he valued my prayer. I didn't realize that it had become part of his morning. I didn't even think he noticed it most of the time. 

Who knew that it brought him comfort and peace?

I messed up his little routine.

We were a few minutes early so the school wasn't accepting students. I put my car in park and asked him to grab my hand. Then, I prayed our simple prayer that we pray each morning.

"Jesus, thank you for giving us another day.

Be with Brodie today.

Let peace follow him wherever he goes.

Protect him from evil.

Let him feel your presence throughout the day.

We love you.

Amen."

He said "Thanks, Mama."

I've thought it about it all morning since I left him.

Some days our prayer is longer and some days it is as simple as "Jesus, be with Brodie today. Amen." But, we pray every morning. 

My routine will always change. My morning time description will change with seasons, events, and the daily changes of life. BUT, I will make it a point to pray with my children each morning. It gives me so much comfort and now I know it does them, too.

Does your child hear you pray? Do they know the importance of prayer and talking to God?

Teach them. Train them. Make it apart of your daily routine. 

If we don't, who will? 

What will the world teach them?

"If we don't teach our children who God is, someone else will teach them everything that He's not."

Weekend Recap

Friday night, we met Gamma for dinner. 

Saturday, I got my yearly eye exam while the kids stayed home with Phillip. When I got home, we played outside. It was a beautiful day.

Sunday morning, I woke up to a feverish little girl throwing up. We spent our day waiting at the immediate med. A stomach bug + sinus infection.

All is well

Well Check up time!

Both are a little past due but we finally made it.

It was a long appointment of laughs and tears. Paisley hates the dr offices and screams as soon as she enters a room.

Finger pricks and shots= tears and screams.

Brodie: 50 lbs, 43 inches

Paisley: 27 lbs, 24 inches

Both are healthy!

Brodie & Pay both earned a toy from Toys R Us afterwards! :)

The mom who yelled shut up in Walmart.

Warning: this post is random. My thoughts have been all over the place today and this is my therapy.

Overwhelmed. 

I was talking to a woman the other day and  she was telling me how "overwhelmed" she was. I couldn't help but think to myself "good Lord, that overwhelms you??" I'll admit, I judged her really quick. Then, I felt guilty...of course. Compassion kicked in and I really tried to put myself in her shoes...it was hard. I'm sorry, friend.

To me, her situation was a walk in the park. My life....would definitely overwhelm her if THAT is considered overwhelming. 

I work a full time job plus a part time job. I do not get a day off. I work full time in ministry along side my full time working husband. Brodie goes to school 4x a week and speech therapy 2x a week AND he's about to start tball. My kids go to work with me. Cheyanne is home schooled. During my lunch break, I get to eat and spend time with them. I have a 4 year old, a 15 month old wild cat, I'm raising a teenager, and I'm pregnant. I volunteer, I plan, and im constantly on the move. BUT that's MY normal. I strive on it and I love my life. My children are on a routine and it's their normal. They go with it. There isn't much that overwhelms me...but that's me.

Well I thought there wasn't. A few days ago, the kids and I had lunch in Pooler.  We usually pick up something quick but Brodie wanted Carey Hilliards. The parking lot wasn't full so I decided we would go in. We sat down and ordered and then things went downhill. Brodie started whining...just so randomly. And he was loud. He wouldn't listen to me and just kept getting louder. Paisley all of a sudden got a burst of energy and was squealing. She was laughing but she was loud! So, I have a loud happy baby and loud whiny child. I could feel myself getting "overwhelmed." People were staring and I was losing control.

It went on for a few minutes and I finally told Cheyanne to get it to go. I left her my card and stormed out with both kids. I lost it. Once in the the car, I yelled at Brodie. I didn't just raise my voice, I yelled. 

You see, this is not my normal. My kids are usually pretty well behaved. And if they aren't, they correct it after being disciplined.  And I'm usually pretty calm and laid back. I don't get upset.

After it all was over, I looked back at Brodie and he was sobbing. He couldn't catch his breath...he was so upset. This wasn't his normal. He was overwhelmed. He grabbed his throat and said "I can't breathe." I really wanted to cry but instead I told him to come sit with me. I apologized to him for yelling and explained why I got upset. He told me he was sorry.

So,

I felt extremely guilty all day. I was that mom who lost it on my kid. 

A few days before this, we were at Walmart. We passed an aisle and a woman yelled "shut up!" at her two kids. Brodie's eyes widened and he said "that mama said shut up!" I couldn't believe that woman. I mean, how could she yell at her kids like that?? I'm sorry, woman.

Im not sure my point in typing all this. I do know that I never want to lose it again. But I do know that we are all human and we all fall short. We all have triggers and we all have our "normal." 

“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

2 Timothy 1:7 ESV

Self-control. Easier said than done, right? 

But this is my new prayer for my self.

To control my emotions. To not be easily angered or offended. To be patient. To guard my tongue. To choose compassion over judgement. To bear the fruits of the spirit. 

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

Galatians 5:22-23 ESV

I'm throwing the term overwhelmed out of my vocabulary. That word will never define me. 

God chose me to be a mother and He called me to raise them as believers, knowers, and doers of His word. And right now, Phillip and I are their greatest influencers. I challenge myself daily to be the best I can be for them. It's so worth it. :)

Faith of a child

Faith. 

My favorite part about blogging is that I can go back and read it and remember sweet moments.

Here is a sweet moment that just happened. 

Brodie and I are riding in the car headed to Walmart to shop for Nerf Gun Wars.

We weren't talking about anything in particular just riding down the road.

Me: Brodie, what song do you want to hear?

Brodie: Do you have that song we heard in the hospital?

Me: What song? What hospital?

Brodie: When we saw that little baby.

Me: Brodie, what little baby??

Brodie: Maaammmaa, you know! Shelleys baby.

Me: What song did you hear when we saw Shelleys baby?

Brodie: Remember, mama? We were looking at her in that room behind that mirror (he means the glass) and she was laying in that little bed.

Me: yes, I remember. Was there a song playing?

Brodie: Mama! Those beautiful ladies in white that were holding Shelley's baby. They were singing "there is power in the name of Jesus." Do you have that song?

My mind is blown. Shelley's baby was born this past summer. 

There IS power in the name of Jesus.

Til the storm has passed...

Storms.

My sister, Amanda shared this song on her Instagram.  I had already downloaded the album so I  went and listened to it. I was in awe with this song. I felt like it was written just for me. 

For a Moment

(Click here for song)

Peace be still you are with me
In this hope I abide
Jesus be my sustainer
Strengthen me in this trial

And I know, it's only for a moment
And everything is working for your glory 
But I need, your perfect love to hold me
Safe within your promise
Til the storm has passed

When this burden is lifted
I'll give praise to your name
But until it is finished 
I'll give thanks just the same

For we have this hope 
As an anchor for our soul
You are with us
We will never be alone

-Elevation Worship "Here as in Heaven"

Last week, I was in Pembroke doing some work. Phillip called me and told me that I needed to head home that there was tornado spotted not too far down the road. Luckily, I was done with work and I was on the way home. I LOVE storms. I love the rain. I love the thunder. BUT I am not a fan of the idea of a tornado. I panicked a little bit but drove home. The sky was clear and still.  The sky was beautiful. I thought to myself, How can such darkness come from this beautiful sky?

When we got home, Phillip was standing on the front porch gazing out at the pond. Comfort. I don't know about you, but my husband is my strong tower in chaos. He has a way of making me feel protected. It's one of the things I cherish most about him. Our heavenly Father is the same way. We may not see him, but I promise you...He is standing there, waiting on you, and watching over you.

We unload the kids and quickly get inside. The news was on so I sat down to hear about this tornado warning. The tornado was moving in the direction of our area. The warning was from Ellabell to Meldrim. We are right in the middle. 

My mother instinct starts to kick in. I packed Paisley's diaper bag stocking up on diapers and wipes. I made her and Brodie a drink and put it in the bag. I threw in a few bottles of water. I put the bag, some pillows, a few blankets, their ipads, a flashlight, and some snacks by the door. 

Phillip was still outside. I know I peaked my head around the door 100x times and said "do we need to get in the closet?!" He would look at me like...Dont you think I would tell you?? But he would say "Not yet, we're fine." 

SO, I still wasn't satisfied with his answer. I started cleaning out the closet. I had everything that I thought would harm my  babies in another place. Phillip walked in and said "WOW." 

At this point, Brodie is asleep. Cheyanne was laying on the couch and Paisley was running around the living room playing. They were oblivious to this storm that was "coming." 

I sat on the couch with Paisley and the woman on the news started naming places that needed to take cover. Most of the list was cities and then she named our ROAD. "If you live here, take cover NOW." The sweet blonde had a bit of panic in her voice....or so I heard. I yelled for Phillip and he helped me load all my "stuff" in the closet. I grabbed Paisley, Cheyanne grabbed all of our pets, and Phillip put Brodie in. 

We shut the door and Phillip stayed outside to watch. I looked at Brodie asleep on the pillows I laid out for him and couldn't help to think about how much I love him. I think certain situations make us do that.  But, even greater than that, I thought about our Father. 

I trusted Him to protect us. I trusted Him that this storm would pass. Peace swept over me. 

There are so many times in life that we are going through things and God is behind the scenes preparing for us. It made me think of myself preparing for this storm as my children played and slept. They didn't know what I was doing. But when the storm came, they had everything they needed. They were warm and comfortable and even entertained. God does that for us, yall. He's constantly working for our good. Even if we can't see it or we are completely unaware, He is working everything out for His glory.  And during the storm, he is there. He is right there beside us.

I'm thankful today to be safe in his promise, until the storm passes by.

"He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."

Psalms 91:4