Good Good Father.

Do you ever have one of those days? A day that you just feel discouraged?

I'm a happy, positive person. 

If I am ever feeling down, I give myself a good pep talk and I'm usually good to go.

But....

I'm human too.

I have struggles and fears and set backs.  

My social media outlets usually reflect all things good. I promise that I'm not trying to create a fake impression of myself and my family. I've always been a big believer in positive speaking and encouragement. My husband, my children, my family, & my friends fill my life with so much joy. 

Well, yesterday was one of THOSE days. You know the days that you just want to throw a huge pity party. It was a good day too, though. My brother spent that afternoon with us at work. Work was good. But I was just in one of those funks.

On the way home from work,  my mind was going 100 miles per hour. I was having a battle within my mind with God. Ya know, a good ole fashioned pity party....

Paisley was miserable due to teething...I could tell she was in so much pain. NOTHING was giving her any relief. God, where are you?

Phillip was hurting and was sick.  I was so worried about him & he was being stubborn & not going to the doctor. God, where are you??

Baby Jed was still hurting. My pastors were hurting because he was hurting. They just want some answers, God! Where are you?

We had an unexpected HUGE bill come up that has to be paid before Christmas. Why now? God, where are you?

I have a friend that is struggling with depression. I've been praying for her for a LONG time. God where are you?

I have family members that want children. God, where are you??

Our past always has a way of haunting us. I want it to be over. God, help us!

My prayer list is filled with sick babies, people hurting and having hard times. God, where are you?

By this time...tears filled my eyes and I just felt like going into a full meltdown & I look into my rear view mirror.

With all my thoughts, I didn't notice my music. 

"Good Good Father" was playing & Brandon Holt (a family friend) was singing his heart out. Find it and download it on itunes. 

Brodie B. had one hand stretched across to Paisley holding her hand, the other hand raised to heaven, and his eyes closed. His mouth was moving but I couldn't hear him because of the music. 

I watched in awe & my pity party ended. I threw my hands up too. I just threw myself into the presence of God. My pity party turned into a praise party right in my car. 

After a few minutes, I looked back and Brodie was gazing out the window.  I said "Brodie, what were you doing just now?" He said "Mama, I was listening to that song and it said that I was loved by a good father. I was just telling Him that I loved him too and so did Paisley and mama and daddy." 

Whew. Okay, God. I know EXACTLY where you are. 

"You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart."

Jeremiah 29:13

Sweet Boys

Brodie & Judah.

When Brodie met Judah he met his match. They were best friends instantly. It took one minute and they were bffl. It was our 2nd visit to IWC. We were in the sanctuary talking and Brodie was clinging to my side. All of a sudden a loud, rambunctious little oranged haired boy ran in and hit Brodie and said "tag." Brodie ran behind him & I was shocked. Brodie at the time was so shy with strangers and he hated church because he didn't want to go to a class. He would sit with us and I'd spend most of the service quietly entertaining him. After his brief moment of running with Judah, he was convinced that he had a new friend. The next Sunday he was excited to see his friend. It wasn't much longer that I convinced him to go to class because Judah was in there. It worked. Judah helped me help Brodie. 

Brodie and Judah. Whooo a complete handful. They are ALL boy. They play, they fight, they laugh, they cry, they love each other, they hate each other. They spend everyday together. Now, add in Judah's baby brother Jed and it's the three stooges. They are like brothers and I love their little relationship.

I type all that to lead to a story. One that touched my soul so deep:

Baby Jed is sick. He's in the hospital (say a prayer for him please). This past Saturday we went to go see Jed in the hospital and pick up Judah. I explained to Brodie that he was sick. Brodie quickly said a prayer and believed he would be healed. I picked up Jed a stuffed Ninja Turtle and Brodie was so excited to take it to Jed.

I am sensitive. Super sensitive. I can cry at almost anything. So when we walked into Jed's hospital room I had to hold back the tears. Little Jed who is full of life was sitting still and it broke my heart. We visited for awhile and then we left.

My two little wild boys laughed and wrestled and joked for a few minutes. Then I hear the sweetest little boy conversation:

Judah: Brodie hold my hand.

Brodie: why?

Judah: I want to pray for Jed.

Brodie gives him his hand.

Judah & Brodie both close their eyes and bow their heads and they began to pray out loud in unison. They said their own prayer said amen and went right back to laughing and joking.

I looked at Cheyanne and I busted out crying. It was a good cry. That small prayer brought so much peace in my little white car. 

Those two little boys. They didn't care who was listening. They didn't care about what the other thought. As I looked in my rear view mirror, I was encouraged by two four year olds. To be more like Him. I think as wild as these two boys are, they are being trained up right. 

Christmas waves a magic wand....

“Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ”

I LOVE this quote. Isn't it so true? Christmas time is TRULY  the most wonderful time of the year. I love it for many reasons. 

1. Jesus is the Reason for the season. 

"For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord." Luke 2:11

Brodie is 4. We've always told him it was Jesus birthday, but this year he is really grasping that Christmas is about celebrating His birthday. We've watched the story of Jesus birth 100 x on Youtube .( Link to Video ) He has it pretty much memorized by now and I LOVE that he loves to hear the story. His little heart is so pure. His faith is immeasurable. There is no doubt. This is our opportunity to teach our children the truth. Teach them what is right. Teach them about faith, belief, loving, doing unto others, giving, cherishing family/friends....Teach them the TRUE magic of Christmas. 

2. Traditions.

I LOVE traditions. Traditions are tiny promises that we keep each year. I am serious about traditions. I make them happen every year. Cheyanne is the same way. She loves them just like I do. I love sharing that love with her. I love adding to our list every year and some we always don't get to but we work hard to make sure our Christmas is as magical as possible.

Just a few of our traditions:

-Christmas music: it comes on after Thanksgiving and it stays on. We love it!

-Christmas movies: Cheyanne and I have watched EVERY hallmark/lifetime movie there is over and over. We love to curl up under a blanket preferably with a snack and watch our favorite movies. Brodie has his own favorites that we watch over and over.....especially at night before bed...The Grinch, Mickeys Christmas movie, Curious George Christmas, Santa Paws, Elf on the Shelf.....just to name a few.

-Christmas Lights: We love to go look at lights and we do this a few times each year. We all load up and ride to Rocky Ford or local neighborhoods. This is one of my favorites. 

-Christmas Tree: Must be REAL. Must smell like Christmas. MUST have colored lights. Must all go get it together. 

-Christmas Parades: The Rincon Parade, downtown parades...we love them all and go to as many as we find out about!

-Gingerbread houses: We make one every year. We usually do one at home just us and then we do one with my side of the family. 

-Santa Clause: We visit him at the mall as much as possible. We don't sit with him every time but we love to go wave at him.

-The Christmas Train: We ride it with Gamma every year and many times as possible. Brodie could ride it over and over and Paisley loved it this year!

-Elf on the Shelf: Yep. we fell into the "creepy" tradition. Yep. We LIE to Brodie. We tell him that the elf comes from the North Pole..sent by Santa...just for him. He creeps around our house at night and does funny things.  HAHA. But seriously, our elf...Charles is loved.  My mom bought him for Brodie 2 years ago. The first 2 years Brodie held him. This year we do it the "right" way. He's not touched and he moves each night. Thankfully, Cheyanne takes care of elf every night. Brodie wakes up every morning so excited to see what Charles has done. It's just a fun tradition that our family enjoys. I hope one day I can give Charles to Brodie as a father and he can either set him out on his mantle or he can let the tradition continue with his children. It's just all about the memories.

-Christmas Eve. Every Christmas eve the elf brings everyone matching pjs to wear. 

-& many more!

4. Family

All of my brothers and sisters come home!! We soak up as much time as we can with our families. We spend Christmas Eve and G & Pa Beasley's and Christmas day with my family. 

Happiness & Memories

We went to Magic Kingdom over the holidays and it was truly magical. Besides the crowds, it was the happiest place on earth. I love seeing my kids eyes light up. They were amazed all day and they had the best time. When we got home, I immediately regretted my decision to enjoy the moment instead of trying to capture it! I didn't take many pictures.  I started wondering if Brodie would even remember this trip and my absent photos made me sad. I know Pay won't remember and I know it will be a vague memory to Brodie. This thought led me to think about my life and what I can remember as a child. I can't remember too much before the age of 5. Isn't that sad? I can vaguely remember moments  before then. I can remember the birth of my sister but not my brother. I can remember kindergarten.

I can remember Dustin's 1st birthday. I can remember a few vacations.

I can remember that my life was happy. 

Today, I listened to a message by Steven Furtick. He said "Happy people don't have the best of everything, they make the best of everything." 

It made me think about my mama. During my childhood my mom was a stay at home mother to four children. She sacrificed her life to raise us. She didn't have much. We didn't have a beautiful house or a fancy car. But we were happy. My mama was always happy. She made the best out of everything. We had everything we needed and mostly everything we wanted. I can't remember her ever being sad or stressed.

I'm sure there were plenty of times that she was these things. She hid them from us well. My childhood was happiness.

That's what I remember. I remember waking up and my mom was always there. I remember a clean house and good food at every meal. I remember riding my bike with my brother and laughing until we cried at Dustin. I remember when Amanda had her tonsils removed and I wouldn't leave her side. Happiness. I remember driving up to my grandma Holcombes house everyday. I remember wondering if my Mincey cousins were there yet. I remember parking by the side door and checking to see if the rooster was waiting to peck me.

I remember opening up that door to the smell of food and clean linens. I can remember the cold, quietness of the kitchen. I remember running through the foyer and glancing at all of my cousins framed faces hanging on the walls,

I remember running into the living room and turning right to that long(it would probably appear so short to me now) hallway that led to grandmas room. I can hear my feet hitting that floor like it was yesterday. I remember opening the door to the sound of southern gospel music and the smell of dove soap, jergens lotion, & VO5.

I can remember seeing my grandma moving around her room in her dress saying "hey, there!" I can remember sitting on the chest in front of her bed scanning her dresser for candy. Not too much later, her house would fill with little

Footsteps and we would play all day. Happiness. I can only remember happiness as a child. I can only pray that my children grow up to feel this way. I try my best to always be happy. I'm just like anyone else and life is tough. But creating a happy environment for my family is far more precious than anything else. I'm so thankful for a happy mama and a happy life. 

"Happy people don't have the best of everything, they make the best of everything." -Steven Furtick

Hey baby #3

Yep! Baby #3 will be arriving in May 2016. 

I was dieting. The kind of dieting where you are super motivated and the feeling of hunger only confirms that you are cutting back. Well, I had been doing this for about 2 weeks. Usually, when I diet, I lose weight really quick especially the first few weeks. Well, we were getting ready to go to a graduation party and all of my pants felt so tight. I knew I should be a little bit bloated because it was time for my period. I sat in my room and just felt like crying. I was in one of those moods, too. One of those that you feel like hiding under a blanket and going to sleep. So, I pulled myself together and put on a pair of comfy black pants and complained to Phillip the whole way there that something had to be wrong with me! I was sitting in Carey Hilliards and it hit me that I was 8 days late. I was very bloated. I was very moody. Oh dear Lord.  Am I pregnant? My thoughts quickly left as my 11 month old screamed at Brodie demanding his cup. 

The next day was a Saturday, Sept. 19th.  Me and the kids were at Walmart picking up a prescription for Brodie and we were about to meet my mom for lunch.  I was at the check out line at the pharmacy and as I turned around the pregnancy test was glaring at me. I told Cheyanne, "I'm 9 days late, I'm going to get one just to make sure." I couldn't be pregnant. Paisley was 11 months old. It took me 2 years to get pregnant with her. I was done having children. Two was perfect. I check out and tell Cheyanne to watch the kids while I go to restroom. Miss priss says "take your test since you're going!" So, I listen to the 15 year old and take it with me. I take and there it is, 2 lines. I don't remember much next. I somehow made it to my car and loaded the kids. Well, Cheyanne probably loaded them because she knew I was shocked. I called Phillip...he was shocked too. 

This was WAY different than finding out with the first 2. I was anxious and desiring with my whole heart with Brodie and Paisley. This pregnancy was unexpected and not planned...not desired. I felt happy, then sad, and then scared all at once. Poor Paisley...she didn't have her time as the baby. Poor Brodie...two babies in the house. Poor me.....I wanted to lose Paisley's baby weight first and I wanted to get in shape and I wanted to have two babies! Then, I felt this wave of guilt hit me. How dare me??? This is so unfair to this baby. He/She deserves the same excitement as the other two. So, I had my 10 minute melt down and then I became excited.  I called Amanda first....she was shocked and happy. She is so much like me. Silence and laughter filled my ears. Then I called Dustin and told him. His words were my strength and I'll never forget them. He said automatically "You are building the best life for your children." I thought to myself "Yes, I am!" My brothers and sister are my best friends, the only people in this world that fully understand me, and my life shared with them has been the best. I'm giving my children siblings to do life with...what a gift. I told Brodie and he laughed. He said "No you dont mama." 

We met mama at Chili's. We had our usual greeting and she talked to the kids. Brodie said "Gamma, Gamma! Mama has another baby in her tummy!!" Mama looked at me and I handed her the pregnancy test. She sat it down and said "What? Are you serious?" She was shocked and then busted out laughing. It was such a funny moment. I think she could tell I was just as shocked. I called David and Megan and my daddy too and told them. Everyone was so excited to grow our family.

I didn't a chance to see Mrs. Tina because she worked late and Sunday we went to church and got home later and she wasn't home. So, I finally see her on Monday. She was cooking dinner and I said "I have to tell you something." She said, "I already know, your pregnant." I said "How do you know???" She said "I could tell when you were upset Friday night at Carey Hilliards." I thought that was so funny. Pa teared up, of course, and they were both happy about another grandbaby.  

I told a few close friends and family members. I went to my first appointment on October 9th. I was only 7 weeks and the baby looked healthy. Heartbeat was 157.

Amanda took photos of Brodie and Paisley for their birthdays so we did a few announcements. We announced baby #3 with this photo.

Isn't it perfect? I was in love. 

I am 13 weeks now and I couldn't be happier. A few months ago, Brodie told me that when he was in heaven there were 3 of them. I guess he was right. God has blessed me with the gift of children and I am so grateful. I love being a mother. 

This pregnancy has been so different. I am showing so fast, I haven't been nearly as sick as I was with the first two, and I'm exhausted. I am ready for some energy back. :)

Christmas time!

Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I love creating traditions with my little family. Yesterday, was one of those days that I cherish. We went to church, ate lunch, and went to the mall. We rode the train, saw Santa, looked at the fish at Bass Pro, & did a little bit of shopping. Brodie loved Santa, but Paisley was not a fan.