Tuesday, November 12, 2013

For Real.

You all know, whoever "you all" are that read my life, that my little boy is my sunshine.....my world...my joy....BUT I fail to rant/blog about my main man. I sometimes tell you all about my good times and fail to let you see the realness of our lives. The realness is that life has been hell for us. Many people have questioned what has happened so here is just a piece.....of my heart.

Phillip, my husband is a huge sunshine in my life. This January will be 11 years since he stole my heart. We've been through it ALL in the 3 years we've been married. We've experienced being on top of the world to feeling like everything was being stripped away from us. And everything has been stripped from us except our family.  We've experienced loss that I pray we will never have to face again. We've faced situations and struggles that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. We've had sleepless nights due to stress and emotions. Failure. Failure hit us hard and when it hit.......it hit publicly. We let people down. We hurt people. We did people wrong. We were done wrong. We are sorry....truly sorry if you are one of those people. We were hurt by people. We experienced shame, embarrassment, and a lot of bitterness in the past year that I can't even describe. When I say our world was turned upside down, I literally mean it. We've been beaten up verbally countless times and our names have been shoved in the dirt. None was ever intentional....all unintentional... We bit off way more than we could chew in our business and it came back to haunt us. We were unaware of things and learned the hard year. In one year we've lost our home, our cars, most of our possessions, our ministry.  We were "politely" forced out of something we loved by people that we thought would never push us away....that hurt....really bad.  We had a safe place (our ministry) and that was stripped. All the time, love, money......sticking with it through the ups and downs and always supporting them....all of a sudden meant nothing.  We were the ones who HELPED...we helped and gave and gave all the time. We would do anything for anyone and all of a sudden we were the ones who needed help.  Pride. Oh my goodness, my poor pride. I mean, I was someone who had it ALL together. Good job, nice car, nice house, nice things, perfect marriage. I didn't fail. Ha. Life sure did show me. I wanted to hide (and sometimes still do) in a dark hole or run far away.  BUT, through it all.......we've remained in love. We've been there for each other....never pointing a finger but pushing each other through. I know the heart of the man I married and it's good. He loves people and puts others needs before his.  His heart is what got the best of him in the first place. He works hard and spends his money trying to do what is right. We lost everything because we gave it up try to mend our mistakes. Lord knows what we've gone through. Change should be our middle name.   I type all of this for one reason only.....to tell someone that marriage is "for better or for worst." Worst can hit when you least expect it and when you could never imagine it happening.  To tell you that God is there. He is with you. He's been with me. He's been my peace and he's given Phillip strength to be my rock. God has taught me so much in this valley.  I see Him and life more clearly. My pride has been pushed aside.   And I'm not going to lie, it has been hard. We've gained an appreciation of second chances and we've not once turned our back on God. We trust in him and we've given our problems to him. When another challenge would hit, we would say "I trust Him."  I'm just thankful for Phillip tonight. I've watched my best friend walk around with the weight of the world on his shoulders and still be the best husband and daddy.  I'm thankful for a man of God...a true man of God that doesn't put on a front. He remains constant with who he is no matter who he is around.  A man that admits when he's wrong and moves forward. Someone who should be mad at the world, but instead puts a smile on his face to keep me happy. He loves hard. He helps me not to hold grudges and look for the best in people. He doesn't talk about anyone, even when they do him wrong.  I know what I've dealt with on the inside, so I cant imagine what he feels like.  Our struggle is not over. We are still right dab in the middle of financial chaos, but I have hope. I have hope because "greater is He who is in me than he that is in the world." I decided to share part of our story. You never what someone is going through...that's one of the many lessons I've truly learned. & if you feel like your world is falling...hold on...God is with you. He will be your everything and He is all you need. Trust in him. Truly trust in Him. He has you and your storm will pass. I can't wait to see our rainbow.

I love you crazy. Thank you for showing me true love.

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