Overwhelmed.
I was talking to a woman the other day and she was telling me how "overwhelmed" she was. I couldn't help but think to myself "good Lord, that overwhelms you??" I'll admit, I judged her really quick. Then, I felt guilty...of course. Compassion kicked in and I really tried to put myself in her shoes...it was hard. I'm sorry, friend.
To me, her situation was a walk in the park. My life....would definitely overwhelm her if THAT is considered overwhelming.
I work a full time job plus a part time job. I do not get a day off. I work full time in ministry along side my full time working husband. Brodie goes to school 4x a week and speech therapy 2x a week AND he's about to start tball. My kids go to work with me. Cheyanne is home schooled. During my lunch break, I get to eat and spend time with them. I have a 4 year old, a 15 month old wild cat, I'm raising a teenager, and I'm pregnant. I volunteer, I plan, and im constantly on the move. BUT that's MY normal. I strive on it and I love my life. My children are on a routine and it's their normal. They go with it. There isn't much that overwhelms me...but that's me.
Well I thought there wasn't. A few days ago, the kids and I had lunch in Pooler. We usually pick up something quick but Brodie wanted Carey Hilliards. The parking lot wasn't full so I decided we would go in. We sat down and ordered and then things went downhill. Brodie started whining...just so randomly. And he was loud. He wouldn't listen to me and just kept getting louder. Paisley all of a sudden got a burst of energy and was squealing. She was laughing but she was loud! So, I have a loud happy baby and loud whiny child. I could feel myself getting "overwhelmed." People were staring and I was losing control.
It went on for a few minutes and I finally told Cheyanne to get it to go. I left her my card and stormed out with both kids. I lost it. Once in the the car, I yelled at Brodie. I didn't just raise my voice, I yelled.
You see, this is not my normal. My kids are usually pretty well behaved. And if they aren't, they correct it after being disciplined. And I'm usually pretty calm and laid back. I don't get upset.
After it all was over, I looked back at Brodie and he was sobbing. He couldn't catch his breath...he was so upset. This wasn't his normal. He was overwhelmed. He grabbed his throat and said "I can't breathe." I really wanted to cry but instead I told him to come sit with me. I apologized to him for yelling and explained why I got upset. He told me he was sorry.
So,
I felt extremely guilty all day. I was that mom who lost it on my kid.
A few days before this, we were at Walmart. We passed an aisle and a woman yelled "shut up!" at her two kids. Brodie's eyes widened and he said "that mama said shut up!" I couldn't believe that woman. I mean, how could she yell at her kids like that?? I'm sorry, woman.
Im not sure my point in typing all this. I do know that I never want to lose it again. But I do know that we are all human and we all fall short. We all have triggers and we all have our "normal."
“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
2 Timothy 1:7 ESV
Self-control. Easier said than done, right?
But this is my new prayer for my self.
To control my emotions. To not be easily angered or offended. To be patient. To guard my tongue. To choose compassion over judgement. To bear the fruits of the spirit.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”
Galatians 5:22-23 ESV
I'm throwing the term overwhelmed out of my vocabulary. That word will never define me.
God chose me to be a mother and He called me to raise them as believers, knowers, and doers of His word. And right now, Phillip and I are their greatest influencers. I challenge myself daily to be the best I can be for them. It's so worth it. :)
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